I was having a discussion with two of my friends today, one of whom is lesbian and the other being straight. For the record, I am straight and haven’t dabbled in the realm of being lesbian, nor have I ever seriously considered doing so (sorry, fellas). At this point, we included another one of our friends (who also identifies as gay) to weigh in on the discussion we were having about homosexuality. This person felt the need to resort to calling me and my straight friend “homophobic.” I have a problem with this, and I took offence.
I fail to see how I am homophobic. Many of my friends are gay, many of my work colleagues are gay; hell, I even spent a portion of my life living with a gay man. I don’t judge my friends or work colleagues who are gay, I don’t call them freaks or look at them differently. In fact, I don’t treat them any differently to how I would treat anyone else. Why? Because their sexuality preferences are irrelevant to me and I treat them as a person, not as a minority group of special people. I take offence to being called a homophobe because it unfairly places me alongside people who actually are homophobes, who say and do horrible things towards gay people simply because they’re not “one of us.”
Effectively, I have just been placed in with a group of people who do not represent who I am, what I believe in and stand for in the same way that gay people are often unfairly judged and placed in groups that do not accurately depict who they are, what they believe in and what they stand for. It is this mentality and action which I do not agree with and I certainly didn’t expect such a narrow-minded and judgemental comment to come from someone who we considered as a friend. I support and encourage equality, including beyond sexual preference (because, let’s face it, judgement and prejudice exists in other forms outside of simply being gay or straight).
I support gay marriage and for same-sex couples to experience all of the same freedoms and liberties that straight folk are automatically given at birth. I’m not going to enter into debates about whether sexual preferences are a choice or something that happens at birth because I consider both of these points to be entirely irrelevant. The reality is that these people, for whatever reason, are attracted to and enjoy the pleasures of someone of the same sex and that’s what needs to be accepted, not whatever precedes this outcome in order to change or prevent this outcome from occurring at all. Sexuality knows not about “right” or “wrong;” in fact, it doesn’t even care.
It bothers me that someone who I accept as being exactly who they are would be so disrespectful as to commit the very same act that gay people are often trying very hard to have others not do to them. The mentality of “don’t throw stones at my glass house, but I’ll throw stones at whoever I want” – that idea that simply because they are in a minority group, if anyone talks about that group or tries to have a civil discussion of any kind, it must be because they hate gay people and are trying to be derogatory and intolerant. It disappoints me that this is the attitude my friend chose to take and clearly display toward people who care about them.
It’s the same sort of issue that bothers me about female only gyms; I don’t understand why there are female only gyms in the complete absence of male only gyms. I appreciate and understand the feeling of not wanting to go to a gym with the “ogling eyes” of men and that being around other women can make you feel safer, more inspired and (hopefully) amongst a group of like-minded and non-judgemental people. I really do. I don’t, however, think this should be at the expense of men not being able to be afforded the same right to have a men only gym, for any reason.
There’s a lot of “the past” being held on by people and it’s preventing them from being able to evolve and progress. Women have been (and some still are) treated poorly by men and society but I would like to think that the vast majority of men have evolved from that and have become better, more understanding and tolerating. The idea that we would still consider punishing men of today for things they personally have not done, for things generations before them have done just astounds me; but the gender equality discussion is beginning to open a whole new can of worms and delve even further into the wider equality issues that are out there. Besides, I think I’ve already said enough for today, but I will say this:
Selective/Conditional equality is not equality or tolerance.
Acting as though you should be ‘special’ or that you are ‘different’ is not equality, either.
Judging others unfairly and asking not to be judged unfairly in return is not tolerance.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too, not matter what GLaDOS might try to tell you.
