Untamed Sanctions

I happened to stumble across an interesting, yet quite lengthy, blog post made by a user who had a bad experience with an online company called PriceRitePhoto. The user had purchased a camera online via the stores website and experienced nothing but problems from that moment on; the company called confirming details of shipment, attempted to sell additional parts with the camera and made threats to the person when the customer informed them that they would be writing an article on their experience. Apparently the store claimed they would contact this person’s boss and CEO, would also contact the police and have them arrested, if they dared to say a negative word about PriceRitePhoto. Oh, and the customer never received their near $3,000 camera that they ordered from the store.

The user goes to the effort of posting several reviews they had found that claimed similar testimonies about their own experience with the store, with one user even reporting that PriceRitePhoto threatened to charge their credit card $100 if they wrote a negative review, with an additional $250 for every posting after the initial one. None of the customers ever received their product and plenty of people have gone to the lengths to try and get the store delisted with places such as Yahoo! Shopping. It makes me feel pleased to say that I not only fail to have a credit card but also choose not to purchase products online. For most, buying online probably works for them and is an incredible help to their shopping needs, but I think I’ll prefer dealing with in-store bullshit, as opposed to people who are half a world away from me.

       

1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

3. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

6. Chuck Norris’s girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, “HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!” and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend’s bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, “Don’t fuck with Chuck!” Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

7. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

8. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

9. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

10. To prove it isn’t that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

11. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Chuck Norris–more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris–robot in disguise,” and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from darkside-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

12. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

13. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

14. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”

15. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

16. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more “humane”.

17. Chuck Norris once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and shitted on their floor, just because he’s Chuck Norris.

18. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

19. Chuck Norris found out about Conan O’Brien’s lever that shows clips from “Walker: Texas Ranger” and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan’s wife.

20. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

21. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

22. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you’re thinking to yourself, “That’s impossible, I already lost my virginity.”, then you are dead wrong.

23. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

24. Chuck Norris punched a woman in the vagina when she didn’t give him exact change.

25. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is “his” way.

26. Hellen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.

27. Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can “accidentally” beat the shit out of little kids.

28. When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

29. Chuck Norris doesnt see dead people. He makes people dead.

30. Chuck Norris weighs as much as a thousand suns. Normally, the Laws of Physics would cause him to collapse in on himself, but the Laws of Physiscs are afraid of being roundhoused kicked into another dimension.

See more random facts here.

       

Seeing as it was a desire of a close friend of mine that I fill this survey out, I suppose I will take my time to clutter up my blog with another unimportant, tedious list of fun little facts about me. I chose to omit the last question, about listing three people I would want to see fill this survey out; they’ll do it if they want to and I’ll eventually find it. Besides, the chances are that I know the answers anyway. In any case, this is for you, East:

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Krystal
2. Krys
3. Vittra

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Vittra
2. Liquid Transition
3. Trigger

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Eyes.
2. Hair (sometimes).
3. Stomach.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. German.
2. English.
3. Australian.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Asthma attacks.
2. Injury to a loved one.
3. People who seem “not with it.”

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Food.
2. Music.
3. Someone special.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Black skirt
2. Black shirt.
3. Little gold ring.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Rammstein
2. Dream Theater.
3. Ayreon.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. “Klavier” by Rammstein.
2. “As I Am” by Dream Theater.
3. “Loser” by Ayreon.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Honesty (hand-in-hand with trust.)
2. Entertainment.
3. Love (being happy and making my significant other happy).

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE:
1. Truth: I get shy and nervous over silly things.
2. Truth: I dislike chain mail.
3. Lie: I’m a man.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Height: they always must be taller than me.
2. Spiked hair similar to Richard Z. Kruspe (although not necessary, at all).
3. Averagely thin: too thin can be bad as can be too muscly or fat.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Being musically creative.
2. Playing games.
3. Writing.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Go to Sydney.
2. Buy two really nice guitars that aren’t healthy to my wallet.
3. Write something really inspiring and creative.

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING/YOU’VE CONSIDERED:
1. Police: preferably S.W.A.T. or a Special Forces team.
2. Guitarist.
3. Vet (or working with animals in some form).

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. France: mainly Paris.
2. Germany.
3. Russia: mainly Moscow.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Ride a horse on a beach.
2. Play plenty of really good guitars.
3. Extreme motocross, or something similar.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I obsess over video games when I get them.
2. I sometimes dislike getting too mushy and romantic.
3. I dislike a fair amount of things in women.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I sometimes get “mushy,” despite how silly or stupid I might think I sound or seem at times.
2. I prefer men.
3. I wear pretty female-styled clothing.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Johnny Depp.
2. Richard Z. Kruspe.
3. John Petrucci.

Note: I do not have celebrity “crushes,” these are merely three celebrities whom I think are either good musicians or actors. I got over celebrity crushes back when I was fourteen.

       

Well, this little test amused me; amused, but not exactly surprised me. Now if I came out to be some fellow like William Turner, then I might be a surprised and slightly annoyed. Fortunately, I am not.

Drink up, me hearties, yo-ho…

       

Here’s a quick, time-wasting list of things people have used in searches, only to find themselves on my blog instead. Ah, the joys of search engines like MSN and Google.

1. Sky Lopez without makeup
2. Smashed testicals
3. Bottomless Pit
4. Mr. Parrow
5. Kojo Baffoe
6. Vittra
7. Vittrae

Seeing as we’re on the topic of searching for things on search engines, try doing things in Google. For instance, search for what you need on Google; an example, “Vittra needs” would be my search string (or my actual name, had I bothered). Weed through the first page of results (or as many pages as you wish) and mention all the sentences containing those two words. Ah, you’ve got to love mind-numbing posts such as these.

By the way, who the hell is Sky Lopez? I would have thought Tiffany Fallon* or Krista Kelly** would get more direction to my blog than Sky Lopez. Well, I don’t know why those two would attract more attention, seeing as I’ve never mentioned them before; oh well, I guess that they will now.

*Playmate Miss December 2004 and Playmate of the Year 2005
**Playmate Miss April, 2004

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Edit: It seems that search strings are getting even more amusing. I found people coming to my blog today with even more off-topic searches and I wad compelled to edit this entry and inform you, my dear readers, about just how some of you are finding me. So, as of the 18th October 2005, here are some more searches people have made and found themselves here:

1. Teens pretty buttom older dick
2. Bottomless
3. Daniel Morcomb
4. Face front side
5. What do small ringlets look like?

I’m so pleased you’re all winding up here by such unrelated means. By the way, I am not associated with information about Daniel Morcombe, so you can stop searching. I already wrote an entry about him; that is enough and provides sources where you can read more or submit any information. I’m starting to wonder about the more “pornographic” styled searches that are leading here. Is this a subtle hint that I should stick my finger into the porn industry pie?