Untamed

Well, my fellow readers it has been several days since my last entry (and probably something that have caused many of you to heave a sigh of relief). You check back here today, to see if you can have another day off from reading ridiculously long entries and to your horror, this entry stares you right in the face, grinning about what doom it knows it will unleash upon you.

It is then that you continue to read anyway. I decided to solve my own lecture dilemma by attending my set classes for the rest of this week, which wasn’t so bad after all …almost. The journey to my lecture couldn’t be better, as always it is peaceful and somewhat roomy, due to my selfish efforts of placing my bag down on the seat next to me, which says to everyone, “No, you can’t sit here so don’t ask”.

Though both days were highly unproductive, as expected, I suppose that getting some work done was better than none at all. Besides, I happened to receive Microsoft Office 2003 Professional Edition from my lecturer, a suite of which I have been after for quite some time, so turning up and working was made a little better in light of his generosity. Besides, at the end of the lesson he had asked me to hook him up into the game we were playing and he spent half an hour taking on me plus two other students in Half Life (talk about cool!).

The following day during another segment of my course, I was in a room that seemed to be hosted by a lecturer that adored the coldness of Antarctica. I understand that computers, in order to function at their best need to be kept cool via means of an air conditioner, but the setting he had it on was far from appropriate in a learning environment. The computers would have been enjoying the blast of ice-cold wind but the rest of us sat there watching our hands turn white, our teeth chatter and our hands freeze to the keyboard or mouse. If you wanted to fall ill, being in that room would have been a sure-fire way of achieving it.

In any case, the week is over and I am able to relax in my long weekend, whilst staring angrily at my cat that chose to wake me this morning by inflicting a wound on my left foot, right where the big toe meets the side of my toenail. Yes, it hurts to walk on, yes it bled a lot and yes it is painful even when my foot is doing nothing but no, I am not getting rid of my cat. However, it is time that I rid myself from this computer and this entry and start playing some mind numbing games for several hours. Besides, I’ve managed to ramble on for long enough as it is.

Don’t worry though, my dear readers for I do promise you at least some short entries, for those who you who won’t take the effort to read what I say.

I don’t know what his Malibu is, all I know is that I claimed to have stolen it. You know, perhaps I should take some time cutting out letters from different magazines and newspapers and paste a ransom note to the Minister asking him to pay me …one trillion dollars. Wait, why ask for one trillion when I could ask for …one million? Ah, if only I really did steal someone’s malibu and if only I really could hold it to ransom for an insane amount of money. Hey, perhaps I could have even had Mel Gibson on the line yelling at me, “GIVE ME BACK MY SON!” – yeah, that would have been really cool. I’d show him what women want.

Ironically, the words “want women want” ring Homer Simpsons nagging voice in my head, where he stands in a crowded room at a womens convention asking what do women want. To be honest, any sexy thought that were inside my head vanish the very instant that I picture a balding and grossly overweight man. No matter, I plan to talk about my ever constant search for some decent and good quality blogs, something of which seems to be really difficult. Perhaps it isn’t that these people aren’t spewing out enough quality but rather that I’m being far too critical and judgement. Am I looking for reasons to skip to the next random blog that generates? I hope that this isn’t the case and I truly believe that a lot of blogs actually do lead a lot to be desired, but if this isn’t the case and my findings of “crap” are due to my over critical and high standards, then what a shame.

To move on from the discussion of how I can’t seem to find anything worth reading, it has finally been raining here, after all these days of “teaser” clouds. Mind you, it has not been constant but nonetheless, for the most of the evening and night, it has been spent in a downpour. This has brough a smile upon my face that reaches from ear to ear, despite such a smile being physically impossible on any human being. I stare at the clock and realise that it’s rather late and I know that I have a lecture to attend tomorrow but on the same hand, I have absolutely no motivation to go. As much of a gamer I am, the idea of traveling for three hours (an hour and a half each way) to only do some real work for about ten minutes and then spend the rest of the day playing Counter-Strike with five over-stimulated boys (perhaps due to me being the only female in the entire course) doesn’t particularly interest me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have a keen interest in the course that I’m taking but unfortunately I’m overuled by these five or more males when they choose to abandon the course by playing LAN games and choosing not to progress ahead of shedual instead. Sure, if we get the work done before expected then why not spend the time lazing about. Yet on the same hand, why not spend that time knocking off as much work as you can in one fell swoop; the rest of the lessons could be strictly gaming, without the need to “learn for ten minutes”. It all just seems to be a waste to me and since I know the information already, I fail to see why I should turn up to learn, well, nothing new.

I happen to rely on Government payments to fund my education, though and if they randomly select me to review my attendance, they could very well cut my payments. Which would be fine, but I really don’t want to mix a job with an ongoing education; there’s too much stress and mixure of time juggling involved in that situation. I’d much rather focus on getting fantastic grade scores as opposed to scanning and packing groceries in a bag for the moron in queue who is staring at my chest. So do I go to my lecture and feel as though I’m wasting time and money by doing so, or do I choose to conserve the money given to me by the Government and only attend when it’s worthwhile (and when I’ll be learning something or require to sit an exam)? The latter is a risk and the former is nothing more than boring and irritating.

I suppose that I’ll make my decision based on my mood later this morning when I wake up, which I don’t think I should trust very much; chances are I’ll choose to stay home and spend all that time knowing I should have gone to my lecture. It’s all such a small and petty dilemma, I know. It wouldn’t be this way if this were a job and my co-workers most likely wouldn’t be forcing me to stop work and play games for the rest of the day. I know that I should say something to my lecturer if I have a problem with it, but I seem to be the only one who actually wants to do more than a simple thing like using a boot disk. Shockingly, I don’t want to play games for the rest of the day once I get one task out of the way, but the boys do and I’m vastly outnumbered by them.

Ugh, this entry is far longer than I’d have liked or intended. If you have reached the end of this without feeling as though you’re about to slip into a boredom enduced coma and you still feel the urge to come and read my next entry installment, you truly are a faithful reader. If you have any suggestions for my lecture dilemma, I’d be more than interested in hearing them. For now I believe I shall spend my time playing a game or two on my Playstation 2 until I either fall asleep during gameplay or decide that now is the time to turn the game off and go to bed properly, without my control pad in my hand. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon, here I come…

Although I normally rant in this particular blog, I am going to make a quick entry that actually praises a particular person’s blog template. As many may have been reading, I have been commenting that a lot of blogs have “custom” templates that are shockingly created with such poor care and manner. Well, finally I have found a blog that actually sets a good example for those who aren’t complete morons behind the keyboard.

My opinion isn’t entirely that every custom template user is comepletely inexperienced. Whether this user created this template themselves or got it from a website, the fact they took the time to use one that actually works properly and does more good than bad to their blog is what needs to be praised. For those of you who seem to fall into the “bad template” category, based on my previous posts, I suggest you take a few pointers from this blog.

Of course, the blog lacks a Blogger navigation strip (but isn’t such a problem since the blog isn’t something I want to turn and run away from as soon as I see it). The template also seems to have problems when one views the comments made on particular entries, but these are minor details and for the most part, the template is done the way it should be. A few minor tweaks to sizes and locations of items would solve the problems, since it’s mainly just features overlapping. Nonetheless, this is the first blog I have seen that has a rather respectable custom design.

I don’t know what his Malibu is, all I know is that I claimed to have stolen it. You know, perhaps I should take some time cutting out letters from different magazines and newspapers and paste a ransom note to the Minister asking him to pay me …one trillion dollars. Wait, why ask for one trillion when I could ask for …one million? Ah, if only I really did steal someone’s malibu and if only I really could hold it to ransom for an insane amount of money. Hey, perhaps I could have even had Mel Gibson on the line yelling at me, “GIVE ME BACK MY SON!” – yeah, that would have been really cool. I’d show him what women want.

Ironically, the words “want women want” ring Homer Simpsons nagging voice in my head, where he stands in a crowded room at a womens convention asking what do women want. To be honest, any sexy thought that were inside my head vanish the very instant that I picture a balding and grossly overweight man. No matter, I plan to talk about my ever constant search for some decent and good quality blogs, something of which seems to be really difficult. Perhaps it isn’t that these people aren’t spewing out enough quality but rather that I’m being far too critical and judgement. Am I looking for reasons to skip to the next random blog that generates? I hope that this isn’t the case and I truly believe that a lot of blogs actually do lead a lot to be desired, but if this isn’t the case and my findings of “crap” are due to my over critical and high standards, then what a shame.

To move on from the discussion of how I can’t seem to find anything worth reading, it has finally been raining here, after all these days of “teaser” clouds. Mind you, it has not been constant but nonetheless, for the most of the evening and night, it has been spent in a downpour. This has brough a smile upon my face that reaches from ear to ear, despite such a smile being physically impossible on any human being. I stare at the clock and realise that it’s rather late and I know that I have a lecture to attend tomorrow but on the same hand, I have absolutely no motivation to go. As much of a gamer I am, the idea of traveling for three hours (an hour and a half each way) to only do some real work for about ten minutes and then spend the rest of the day playing Counter-Strike with five over-stimulated boys (perhaps due to me being the only female in the entire course) doesn’t particularly interest me.

Don’t get me wrong, I do have a keen interest in the course that I’m taking but unfortunately I’m overuled by these five or more males when they choose to abandon the course by playing LAN games and choosing not to progress ahead of shedual instead. Sure, if we get the work done before expected then why not spend the time lazing about. Yet on the same hand, why not spend that time knocking off as much work as you can in one fell swoop; the rest of the lessons could be strictly gaming, without the need to “learn for ten minutes”. It all just seems to be a waste to me and since I know the information already, I fail to see why I should turn up to learn, well, nothing new.

I happen to rely on Government payments to fund my education, though and if they randomly select me to review my attendance, they could very well cut my payments. Which would be fine, but I really don’t want to mix a job with an ongoing education; there’s too much stress and mixure of time juggling involved in that situation. I’d much rather focus on getting fantastic grade scores as opposed to scanning and packing groceries in a bag for the moron in queue who is staring at my chest. So do I go to my lecture and feel as though I’m wasting time and money by doing so, or do I choose to conserve the money given to me by the Government and only attend when it’s worthwhile (and when I’ll be learning something or require to sit an exam)? The latter is a risk and the former is nothing more than boring and irritating.

I suppose that I’ll make my decision based on my mood later this morning when I wake up, which I don’t think I should trust very much; chances are I’ll choose to stay home and spend all that time knowing I should have gone to my lecture. It’s all such a small and petty dilemma, I know. It wouldn’t be this way if this were a job and my co-workers most likely wouldn’t be forcing me to stop work and play games for the rest of the day. I know that I should say something to my lecturer if I have a problem with it, but I seem to be the only one who actually wants to do more than a simple thing like using a boot disk. Shockingly, I don’t want to play games for the rest of the day once I get one task out of the way, but the boys do and I’m vastly outnumbered by them.

Ugh, this entry is far longer than I’d have liked or intended. If you have reached the end of this without feeling as though you’re about to slip into a boredom enduced coma and you still feel the urge to come and read my next entry installment, you truly are a faithful reader. If you have any suggestions for my lecture dilemma, I’d be more than interested in hearing them. For now I believe I shall spend my time playing a game or two on my Playstation 2 until I either fall asleep during gameplay or decide that now is the time to turn the game off and go to bed properly, without my control pad in my hand. Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon, here I come…

You know, I’ve been thinking more about my relationship lately and how much I treasure it. Despite that things aren’t going so well in that department and my man decided he needed “time”, I still can’t be more proud of what I have (or maybe used to have, depending on his ruling). Of course, every relationship is bound to run into its own mine field of arguments, and we have worked through those together every time we’ve faced them, this is the second time he and I have been “apart”. The first time resulted from him insulting a friend of mine six ways from Sunday and myself not appreciating that action at all. This time, however, is purely argument caused. Naturally, I’m not too thrilled that our relationship had to be exposed to list level of extremity but in the end I feel as though it’s better that we’re exposed to it now, survive it rather than have it hit us fifteen times worse many years later.

I am somewhat confident that he’ll return to me and things will be better, but on the same hand I’m not willing to keep my hopes up, in case this happens to not be the case. I’m not looking for pity from family, friends or strangers either; the comforting word that may come from my mother, my best friend or anyone is not really something I care to deal with. I understand their concern and natural urge to ensure their best friend or beloved daughter is fine but trust me, I’d rather deal with this in my own way. Unfortunately, my way appears to be to keep to myself and express myself in a place that is one ended, where I can talk without having someone hug me and say, “I understand”. No, you don’t understand so please stop pretending as though you do. That came off harsher than I intended it to sound, but I’m trying to emphasis that yes, I am upset about the current issue but no, I don’t need comfort.

This happens to be my first serious relationship (and ironically the longest). I remember when I used to date guys at school merely because they were somewhat attractive and mostly cool. If they asked, I nearly always said yes – I suppose back in high school, boys were “arm accessories” that we used to link at the arm and show off. The better the boyfriend, the cooler you were to everyone else and at school, that was all that ever mattered. I grew out of that phase though and I began seeking someone whom I truly loved, wanted and cherished for who he was, not his appearance or social status. Generally, I am not one to express my feelings about love so easily either; I usually get embarrassed whenever I have to say something that feels romantic or overly “mushy”. Hence why it is something I often attempt to avoid. That and the fact that I dislike people prying into my personal love life.

So why did I just write an entry dedicated to how much I loved, wanted, needed and missed my partner when I just said several minutes ago that I disliked people knowing things that didn’t really concern them? Well, I suppose that this was more for me than anyone else. Although, there may be the off chance that perhaps my partner is reading this whilst taking the time to decide a few things about him. In which case he’s able to keep in check about how I feel about him and the relationship. Whether what is said helps him at all, I’m not sure and if it is something he even does want to hear, I am not sure of either. However, as much as our current temporary separation may not sit well with me or make me feel happy, if it helps him, then I am willing to do it.